i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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