the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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