thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
