i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
