I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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