i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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