My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You ruined the universe
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
