my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i just had sex bonerless
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
