Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
