Your face is a jimmy john
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
