fuck your aforementioned shoe
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My dick has a subreddit
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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