I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
