it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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