he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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