I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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