I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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