like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
