Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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