So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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