Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
