He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
