You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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