is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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