do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
accomplished twins. life is a go
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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