Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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