the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
