You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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