My friends, they love my intelligence
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
