I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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