**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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