Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
