I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
