you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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