I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
