Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
