My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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