You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
