i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
