remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
