If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
