I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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