Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
