She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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