good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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