Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
