I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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