I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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