Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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