I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
