wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
