so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
