She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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