No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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