I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
