I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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