I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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