I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
