I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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