even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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