I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
