therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
