P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
