I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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