New invention idea: vibrating tampons
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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