Cold hands, warm shart.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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