where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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