Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
