If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
