She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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