I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
