just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
